Paul the Cat resolves to lose weight in 2011
I’ve struggled with my weight for some time now. In my younger days — back in 2007 — I was svelte and feisty. But now, at age 3 1/2, my metabolism isn’t what it used to be and it’s not so easy to keep the ounces off. I held steady at a jolly 15 pounds for a few years, which albeit on the heavier side, the vet said was OK … kind of. But recently the scale has ticked up to 15 1/2 pounds. I know — it’s shameful.
Mere days out of the womb, I already had a big appetite.
How did I let myself get this round? Well, I love LOVE to eat — always have — and if I don’t get my full cup of food, I keep the humans up all night long — meowing, hitting random things off the dresser, clawing at their faces, etc. — until they feed me. Yes, I know I’m an asshole but you would be too if you were a fat cat. I can’t be held responsible for the things I do when I’m hungry. It’s out of my control, OK?
There was a point in my life when I would argue that I wasn’t fat — just big boned. (The oldest excuse in the book, I know.) However, I’ve finally had enough. I’m tired of people saying, “Wow! That’s a BIG cat” or “Aren’t cats supposed to be more agile?” (FYI it’s tough to perch on things when you have a gut.)
Me in 2007 -- my thinner days.
Look, I don’t have unrealistic expectations — I know I’m never going to be the size I was at 8 months — but I’m committing myself to losing a few ounces for my health and to be more beautiful.
So from here on out no more Mr. Fat Cat. I’m going to follow a strict diet, get plenty of exercise, and not overdo it on the treats. My humans have agreed to NOT give in when I attack them in their sleep. (Well, at least human #1 has agreed. Human #2 is skeptical of my mission and will do everything in his power to deter my success because he is a hater. And a butthead. So I will continue to plot his death. Mwahahaha.)
Me today. I has A LOT of cheezburger. And pizzas.
ANYWAYS there are literally millions of overweight pets in the world so, even if I don’t have it at home, I know I’ll be able to find help and support on the internet. (Case in point: Seven sick gadgets for weight loss.)
I’ll also be doing a weekly progress report to stay on track, and if you have any tips to help me shed the pounds — or words of encouragement — please share them below.
-Paul the (fat) Cat
So, how’s Paul doing? Read his weekly updates to find out!
Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4,5, and 6 | Week 7
Current Instincts 
Paul is SO handsome! Look at that shiny coat!
The whole “less food” thing hasn’t worked for Bela, either, because when we cut down, she just eats more of Josie’s food and poor little Josie gets starved. So instead, we switched them to the special diet food for tubby kitties. They give me dirty looks when they get the diet wet food, but they seem to like the diet dry food just as much as the regular stuff!
Not only is Paul shiny but he always smells like flowers. It’s odd.
Thanks for the tip!!! Paul eats dog food and plastic bags when he’s hungry so hopefully the diet food will help. We’ll keep you posted on the progress!
Incorrect. Paul is, in fact, an asshole.
Wow, Paul, I knew you had gained some weight but I didn’t realize how much until I saw these pictures. Good luck with your New Years resolution! I wish you a happy and healthy 2011!
Paul appreciates your support. He said he won’t let you down!
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