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Checking in on a formerly drunken elephant

January 4, 2011

A new year brings new resolutions and new promises to break. But resolution making isn’t just for humans. A couple of weeks back, Elliot the Elephant swore off drinking for life. But that was before holiday revelry. Let’s see how Elliot’s been doing with his resolution.

I'm the one getting kicked. This is before I reassessed where my life was going.

First off, I would like to say that my road to recovery hasn’t been easy. There is no 12 step program for elephants. And since elephants are known to party hard all the time, I had little support from my friends. But I am happy to say that I made it through the holidays alcohol free! (Beer doesn’t count as alcohol right? Only the hard liquor is really alcohol, am I right?)

Anyway, the holidays are a hard time to avoid alcohol at festivals, but I stayed strong and just kept thinking of that village I destroyed (which I would like to apologize for once again) and I managed to steer clear of the moonshine. It was a challenge, since it’s in animal’s blood to do whatever the fuck we want, but I kept my eye on the prize. With this alcohol consumption cut back, I’ve lost weight, reunited with my dad, and I’m thinking more clear-headed than ever. I’m even thinking of trying to make my way back into the herd full-time.

There were times when my commitment to my new lifestyle wavered. Sure it was hard when my old drinking buddies invited me down to the watering hole. I certainly felt left out watching them enjoy their fun times they were bound to never remember. I went with them a couple of times, but they would just repeatedly ask me why I wasn’t drinking anymore, then calling me a pussy and charge at me. And they weren’t even trying to mate with anyone – they were just fooling around! That is a serious breach of elephant etiquette. Spending time with my old friends made me see how foolish I was acting when I came under the spell of this powerful substance.

I even joined a kickball league!

I don’t think I’m out of the woods yet – there are a lot of festivals in India after all – but I’m well on my way to recovery. Oh and by the way, Tina forgave me! Although I’d never tap that fatty again, I still have my standards.

-Elliot the Elephant

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