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Cat ordered to jury duty: a case against serving

January 18, 2011

Photo: WHDH-TV

Us cats have been at the forefront of legal stories recently. First, there was the claim by Church & Dwight that “cats do not talk” which I debunked. Now a fellow feline has been called to jury duty! What is going on, let us chill in our sunbeams!

Tabby Sal, a feline resident of Boston, was ordered to attend jury duty on March 23rd. His owner obtained a letter from Sal’s vet stating that he was in fact, “a domestic short-haired neutered feline” and that he should be disqualified from serving because he is “unable to speak and understand English.” However, the Suffolk Superior Crown Court says Sal must attended.

I’ve already established that we understand English just fine, so we can ignore that part of the argument. Let’s move straight to the real issue – cats make terrible jurors. Our opinion of humans depends entirely on whether they will feed us. So if the defendant was clearly guilty but gave me a nice big bowl of cat food, the verdict would be “meow” (that’s “not guilty” for all of you non-cat speaking humans out there). While we are very intelligent, we are very easily swayed by our stomachs.

This is how well a cat would pay attention during jury duty.

We know you humans consider us part of the family, and that’s nice, but please don’t bring us into your legal proceedings! Let my friend Tabby Sal stay at home on March 23rd, chasing his toy mice.

Richter

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