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I totally don’t remember destroying your village

December 8, 2010

On Friday, we reported that 70 elephants went on a drunken rampage and destroyed 60 homes in India and killed 3 people. Today, one of the elephants weighs in and asks for forgiveness. Admit it — you’ve been there.

I am never drinking again.

I really mean it this time. I’ve gotten out of control before — but this time it really got out of hand. I mean, it really escalated quickly. It just goes to show you really need to know you’re limits. And my limit apparently is not four barrels of homemade alcohol. The last thing I remember is waking up next to the ugliest elephant I’ve ever seen and thinking “what the hell happened last night?”

Sorry guyz.

It all started about a week ago. The whole herd was totally pumped because some festival was going on which always means plenty of alcoholz to tap into. I was pretty tired, but a couple of my friends convinced me to go out. So I said fine, I’ll go for one drink but I really need to get home early, I have stuff to do tomorrow morning. Well one drink turned into three or four barrels and the next morning turned into four days later.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what happened if it wasn’t for all the news reports and the rest of the herd filling in the parts I don’t remember (namely most of the past four days). All I can say is that it’s a good thing I trampled Dennis’ camera. So right now I would like to take the time to apologize to everyone I hurt. I would also like to apologize to Tina, who I totally meant to call and definitely plan to, I’ve just been crazy busy and my life is really complicated right now.

So to everyone who was hurt on our bender, I sincerely apologize. I’m going to be reevaluating my life and making some positive steps to make sure something like this never happens again.

-Elliot the Elephant

The writers of Current Instincts would like to emphasis that we do NOT think it’s funny that three people died. We do, however, think it’s very funny that elephants got drunk.

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