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BREAKING NEWS: Elephants go on drunken rampage, kill 3 people

December 3, 2010

Seventy elephants destroyed nearly 60 homes in a village in India and killed three humans after going on a bender earlier this week. The elephants tapped into homemade alcohol the villagers were storing for a festival and went on a four-day rampage.

This guy's going to need a lot of Gatorade when he wakes up.

According to Bijay Kumar Panda, a local administrator, the elephants “staggered through the surrounding area and began to fall asleep hither and thither, throwing life completely haywire”. Saying 70 drunken elephants threw life “completely haywire” seems like a bit of an understatement. But apparently encounters like this are on par for India, where conflicts with elephants and other animals are rising as the country becomes more urbanized; and animals and humans need to share land more often.

While it’s totally not funny that three people died, you have to admit a lot of aspects of this story are incredibly funny. Like the image of elephants stumbling around and sleeping off a homemade hooch hangover, to the guy who’s last name is “Panda”, and this quote from a local newspaper:

“The ‘jumbos’ are known ‘for their love of local country-made brews’ which they gulp down and make merry at the expense of the villagers.”

That sounds downright jolly and friendly – not deadly and terrifying like it actually is.


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