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Single, black-white-tan cat seeking soul mate

November 23, 2010

Don't act like you're not impressed.

While I was absolutely disgusted and dismayed to learn that Paul the Black Cat was sleeping with a dog, it did get me thinking that it might be nice to cuddle with someone besides my human. Humans are, after all, very overrated and not furry and cuddly. Luckily for me, I just stumbled across this new dating site for pets while I was walking across my human’s laptop.

This is a great idea. Many humans assume that just because I’m ball-less, I don’t have needs. I do. Adult, grown-up cat needs that only a lady cat can satisfy. And now I can find the perfect kitten for me without even leaving the comfort of my favorite couch! I just upload my picture, type in some of my favorite activities and I can scroll through and find my soul mate! My human can even find a mate if she’s so inclined. (I hope not, that would mean less cuddle time for me).

I’m very attached to my human but there are some things we just can’t talk about. Like how awkward it is when litter sticks to your paws, or how hard it is to find a comfortable position when you need to lick your butt. These are cat-only issues that I need to vent about sometimes. Hopefully, will help me find that special lady that I can pour my cat heart out to.

For all the ladies out there reading this without profiles, here are some of my finest attributes and favorite activites:

  • Muscular extremities (I can jump onto the refrigerator from a very low vantage point)
  • A slick, multi-colored coat
  • Piercing green eyes
  • Cuddling
  • Chasing bugs
  • Very vocal about my needs

You should:

  • HATE dogs
  • Have green eyes with a clean coat
  • Be flea free
  • Be willing to share all toys with me and not mind when I don’t share my toys with you
  • No fatties

I’m not asking for much, just someone to share my sunbeam with. But not too often, I’m a very independent cat and I need my space. If you’re cool with that, then send over a catnip gram, we’ll see what happens.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Hatman Jay permalink
    November 24, 2010 10:16 am

    No fatties.

    Words to live by.

  2. November 26, 2010 2:02 am

    With those attributes, you should have no trouble attracting lots of fine lady cats. However, you really should learn to share your toys! 😉

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