Skip to content

So I killed a guy while he was showering, big deal

November 9, 2010
Photo provided by Creative Commons

This is not a yawn. It is a battle cry.

As we reported on Friday, a tourist was killed by a pride of lions in Zimbabwe while he was showering. Now, the lioness weighs in.

I refuse to apologize for killing Pete Evershed while he was showering during his vacation in Zimbabwe. First of all, he shouldn’t have been showering outside at dusk. Everyone knows lions live outside and love hunting at dusk. He was practically wearing a bullseye.

What’s that saying humans have? If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime? Well in this case “doing the time” was “getting severe neck wounds from a pride of lions” and the crime was “luring us into your camp, taking away our land and practically begging us to eat you.” Tourists have been coming onto our land for a while, trying to get the whole safari experience. So tour guides have not only been taking away our land and hunting space, but taunting us with meat! You can’t taunt us with meat to get us closer to you so you can take pictures and not expect something to go wrong.

My pride and I would be very satisfied feasting on some delicious antelope. They taste great and are fun to hunt and strangle. But you’re even cramping our style in that respect. Locals are hunting our antelopes, so we keep having to compete for food. This might lead to some humans getting chomped on. If a naked guy has to get killed every once in a while so I can feed my babies, so be it.

Sure he looks cute, but he's really a cold blooded killer.

I have no doubt that lions and humans can live amicably together. We just need to respect each others boundaries. We both hunt our own food, live in our respective parts of the savanna, and definitely, don’t taunt each other with food. Or with naked men in the shower.

– Lisa the Lion

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: