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The heat is on

October 26, 2010
Photo courtesy of

Can you guys balance like this? You're gunna need to

The desert is an unforgiving landscape. Little rain, persistent heat, and practically no vegetation. Yep, it’s my kind of place. I hope you humans think that sounds appealing.

You see, severe droughts are on the way. Many parts of the U.S. and the rest of the world will see increasingly dry conditions over the next 30 years. How are you preparing for this? Have you developed into cold-blooded creatures? Do you have feet conducive to running over really really hot sand super fast? I’ve yet to see one human with scales, except for this one girl with really dry skin on her hands, but I don’t think that has anything to do with evolution and won’t help in the long run. I’m telling you, you humans aren’t evolving fast enough to adapt to these changing conditions.

For example, every decade since the 1980s has been hotter than the last. You think sunscreen will help? Sunscreen is a lie. Stock up on your precious bottled water now. You  need to do some serious adapting – and fast.

The National Center for Atmospheric Research (of which I happen to be a member) predicts serious impacts as soon as 2030. I’ll be all set, I was designed to live in arid, hot regions. Me and my scorpion buddies are going to be just fine. Warm blooded mammals,  not so much.


He's sort of gross looking, but he makes a mean sangria.

Even worse is you’re all in denial! You’re probably thinking “I live in America, and it rained yesterday, this won’t affect me.” WRONG. Here is where the severe droughts (remember the word severe) will hit the hardest: the western two-thirds of the United States, large parts of Mexico and Brazil, regions bordering the Mediterranean Sea, large parts of southwest Asia, China and neighboring countries, most of Africa and Australia. That’s pretty much every continent. Antarctica is already a desert so don’t get smart. And to you east coasters who think you’re safe, you’ll be underwater, and as I’ve mentioned, I don’t see you adapting and growing gills to prepare.

You humans have done pretty well for yourselves overall. You quickly moved to the top of the food chain and basically acted like you owned the Earth for a good stretch there. But I see a day very soon when you’ll be answering to the desert lizards of the world. And we might not be able to help you.

-Bob the lizard


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Abby Smith permalink
    March 1, 2012 6:24 pm

    This website is stupid and retarded!

    • Abby Smith permalink
      March 1, 2012 6:25 pm

      oh who cares…i dont even know you so why should i care about anything you say???

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