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Drilling in my Backyard

October 17, 2010

Daphne the DolphinDoes everyone remember the news story of the summer? Let me remind you, since it seems many homo sapiens don’t remember. Gallons and gallons of oil poured, no, gushed, into the Gulf of Mexico. Did you see that shit? I know you did because I saw them installing the television feed. That camera seemed to be more important than actually stopping the putrid oil from going into my backyard, but I hear you humans are really big on this “reality tv” thing.

You want real? Try cleaning oil out of your blowhole. That shit is real. Clearly humans don’t have to worry about this problem (except when you want mahi mahi) because if they did, they would not have lifted the ban on deepwater drilling. You think we didn’t hear about that? I have a cousin who works at SeaWorld and he telekinesised that shit to the whole ocean.

Look, I understand you guys “need” oil. Ok actually, I don’t understand that because I go to the surface of the ocean and it seems like there’s plenty of sunshine and strong breezes up there. You’re telling me you don’t have a way to harness that power? You have robots with saws made of diamonds but no way to turn wind and the sun into energy? I know I’ve only seen a couple quarters of the ocean but I find that hard to believe.

I got a little off topic there. All I’m trying to say is, if you’re going to drill in my backyard, at least try to know what you’re doing. I know there are all kinds of new “regulations”, but we have creatures here that live in ocean full time and don’t go as deep as you guys are. And we know everything about the ocean! We don’t come up on land to try and get back our seaweed because we don’t understand your world. Get your oil from a place you understand. Or are at least trying to understand. Taking the smartest mammals from out of the ocean, placing them in tanks, and feeding us fish to do tricks is not trying to understand, by the way.

Some of you humans are pretty cool. You guys who just look at us from your boats with glass bottoms, and just swim around with fake flippers and a fake blowhole, we’re cool with you guys coming down here. Give this message to someone in power the next time you get the chance: please stop drilling in my backyard. I know it’s easy to forget about us down here, but we’re still trying to clean up your last mess. In the meantime, thanks for all the fish.

-Daphne the Dolphin

Want to help Daphine and all the other animals affected by the oil spill? The next time you sweep up your pet’s hair, donate it to Read more about the program on Pet Lover’s Blog.

Or, write Congress and let them know you want stricter safety regulations and you support clean energy on

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 19, 2010 2:16 am


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